| General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice. |
Today, 09:21 AM
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| Member ?Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 12,132 | Long-Distance Relationships (LDRs) Yay? Nay? Anyone have experience with these? How long for? How far apart? How did it pan out? Opinions? |
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Today, 10:18 AM
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| Member ?Join Date: Apr 2013 Location: Midwest US Posts: 103 | Undergoing it right now, as I detailed in the Long Term Success forum. We are far enough apart (me in the midwest, her in the southwest) that we can only see each other for several weeks at time 3-4 times a year. We've been doing this for shy of three years and while she is able to do what she needed to do for her own spirit (gain time with her tranddaughter, put down roots, and establish a business), it's been hard on us. Fortunately, I am set to retire from the military in May, so our time apart is coming to an end. It's very very tough and I really would not recommend it for extended periods. I think they only reasons my wife and are surviving it are constant, daily communication, intense rebonding when we do see each other, and a 14-year foundation before we starting living apart. Even so, if I had it to do over, I would not do this again. |
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Today, 11:21 AM
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| Member ?Join Date: May 2011 Location: Maryland Posts: 396 | Quote:
I tried it 29 years ago. I was engaged (not to my current wife) and we went to graduate school in different states. The short of it is that she started studying with a fellow and developed an EA which became physical. So with her it was a failed experiment. She kept him a secret until she broke it off with me. The details: 1000 miles apart in different states while in school. It only lasted 8 months.
Last edited by meson; Today at 11:36 AM. Reason: Added details. | |
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Today, 12:07 PM
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| Member ?Join Date: Jun 2012 Posts: 188 | Having done a LDR for about 3 years, I will give my perspective. We knew each other for a while as friends. After we both separated and divorced, we came back into contact. There was a spark so we gave it a try. We lived about 100 miles apart. With working and child's schedules, this usually only allowed for every other weekend visits with sometimes an evening during the week. Pros: - Great for a casual relationship Cons: - Limited physical visits And if you all hit it off and want to be together, then someone has to move. That can bring up a whole new batch of issues to work through. Granted, if it is strong enough, you can make it happen. In my case, we eventually moved together and got married. Not really knowing each others habits and such ahead of time made for a tough transition when we did get together. We have managed to make it work but it took a lot of effort on both of our parts. Unless there is absolutely no one near you, if I ever had to do it again, I think that I would pass. |
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Today, 12:17 PM
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| Member ?Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Oregon Posts: 376 | I agree with the previous posters. If you are already in a strong relationship and it has to go long distance due to some circumstances beyond your control, for a certain time period, then it's worth a try. But I wouldn't start a relationship that way. I've seen too many posters on TAM who meet someone online, "fall in love" from afar, then post here a year or two later when they realize that they really didn't know the person very well. I don't think you can truly get to know someone long distance. You have to see them in different circumstances, around different people, at home, in social situations, etc to really know whether you are compatible. |
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Today, 04:10 PM
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| Member ?Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: Mich Posts: 2,439 | Quote:
Talking for over a year, "romantically" for about 8 months. 1500 miles - in different countries So far so good. We talk daily and are in constant communication. We have spent about 2 weeks together since March. The hardest part is not being able to be physically together on a regular basis. Other than that I do enjoy the relationship. I have the alone time I need to work on myself yet still have someone extremely close in my life to share it with. The situation has always been he will be moving closer to me. That was happening whether we got romantic or not. If it wasn't for that, I do not think we would attempt this. But we click and like each other for WHO WE ARE so much we are willing to give this a shot. Things will be different when we can date on a regular basis I'm sure, but we both really want to see if it will indeed work out for the future. Our boundaries and openness with each other are definitely contributing factors to success so far. There isn't anything we can't talk about or bring up or discuss and our communication with each other is probably some of the best I've ever had personally with anyone my whole life. We have an extremely solid friendship and I know if for some reason things don't work out when we are closer to each other, I will still have a friend for life.
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Source: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/103801-long-distance-relationships.html
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